Monthly Archives: September 2011

Do you believe in the saying: “You are who you hang out with”?

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

Many times we have good friends that may not be the best influence. How do we handle this type of situation in our daily lives? Is this an opportunity for us to reach out and lead by example? How do you approach a friend who may not be leading the best life and try to help them?

Objective

Many times we have good friends that may not be the best influence. How do we handle this type of situation in our daily lives? Is this an opportunity for us to reach out and lead by example? How do you approach a friend who may not be leading the best life and try to help them? Matthew Kelly says in Rediscovering Catholicism that, “a true friendship is when the other person encourages you to be all you can be, challenges you to become the-best-version-of-yourself, and vice versa (p. 134.) We want to be around people that help us get to heaven. We want to be around people that support our marriage and help us make the choices God would want us to make. If we have a friend that is not the best influence, often if we live by example, it may help the other person make betters choices. If you are at a restaurant and your friend orders the grilled chicken with a salad, you are more apt to order something healthy rather than a big cheeseburger. Just as your friend might make better choices if he sees you being honest at work or you being loving to your wife. Matthew Kelly states that, “Goodness is contagious. The problem is so is evil” (p. 135.) If we surround ourselves around those who want to be better people, we will become better. However we need to choose our friends wisely because if we are surrounded by those who do not care how they act, it is very easy to go down that path. That is why, as Matthew Kelly’s father told him, “If you have five true friends in your lifetime, you will have lived a life infinitely blessed” (p. 133.)

Bible Readings

1. 1 Corinthians 15:33

Do not be led astray:

“ Bad company corrupts good morals.”

2. Proverbs 18:24

Some friends bring ruin on us, but a true friend is more loyal than a brother.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraphs 1934-1938

1934 Created in the image of the one God and equally endowed with rational souls, all men have the same nature and the same origin…. All therefore enjoy an equal dignity. 1935 The equality of men rests essentially on their dignity as persons and the rights that flow from it: Every form of social or cultural discrimination in fundamental personal rights on the grounds of sex, race, colour, social conditions, language or religion, must be curbed and eradicated as incompatible with God’s design. 1937 These differences belong to God’s plan, who wills that each receive what he needs from others, and that those endowed with particular ‘talents’ share the benefits with those who need them… 1938 There exist also sinful inequalities that affect millions of men and women. These are in open contradiction of the Gospel: Their equal dignity as persons demands that we strive for fairer and more humane conditions…

Small Group Questions

1. Do you have any friends that do not help you become the-best-version-of-yourself?

2. If so, what do you do when you are around these friends?

3. Are you comfortable around these friends?

Recommended Resources

1. Rediscovering Catholicism By Matthew Kelly

Accountability

1. Take a look at some of your friends this week and think if they are making you a better person.

Author(s)

Mark Oliva

Changes to the Mass per the Roman Missal

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

Have you been “going through the motions” at Mass by repeating prayers and responses that you know by heart and have become automatic? Well, the Mass is changing. Why, and what are the changes? What is the Roman Missal? When will the changes take place? How will I know the new words to say during Mass and how does this “new translation” affect us? This is a wonderful opportunity for all of us to experience the Mass in a much deeper way.

Objective

· Understand the background for the changes, what they are, and how they can help us get a deeper meaning out of Mass.

· Learn how the Mass now more closely follows the readings in the bible.

· Embrace this as an opportunity to teach our children what the Mass is all about:

Bible Readings

1. 2 Timothy 4:22

The Lord be with your spirit. Grace be with all of you.

2. Philippians 4:23

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.

3. Isaiah 6:3

One cried out to the other: “Holy, holy, holy* is the LORD of hosts! All the earth is filled with his glory!”

4. Isaiah 53:11-12

Because of his anguish he shall see the light; because of his knowledge he shall be content; My servant, the just one, shall justify the many, their iniquity he shall bear.

Therefore I will give him his portion among the many, and he shall divide the spoils with the mighty, Because he surrendered himself to death, was counted among the transgressors, Bore the sins of many, and interceded for the transgressors.

5. Matthew 8:8

The centurion said in reply, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof; only say the word and my servant will be healed:”

6. Luke 7:6-7

And Jesus went with them, but when he was only a short distance from the house, the centurion sent friends to tell him, “Lord, do not trouble yourself, for I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof.”

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 167

“I believe” (Apostles’ Creed) is the faith of the Church professed personally by each believer, principally during Baptism. “We believe” (Niceno-Constantinopolitan Creed) is the faith of the Church confessed by the bishops assembled in council or more generally by the liturgical assembly of believers. “I believe” is also the Church, our mother, responding to God by faith as she teaches us to say both “I believe” and “We believe”.

2. Paragraph 1345

As early as the second century we have the witness of St. Justin Martyr for the basic lines of the order of the Eucharistic celebration. They have stayed the same until our own day for all the great liturgical families. St. Justin wrote to the pagan emperor Antoninus Pius (138-161) around the year 155, explaining what Christians did:

On the day we call the day of the sun, all who dwell in the city or country gather in the same place. The memoirs of the apostles and the writings of the prophets are read, as much as time permits.

When the reader has finished, he who presides over those gathered admonishes and challenges them to imitate these beautiful things.

Then we all rise together and offer prayers* for ourselves . . .and for all others, wherever they may be, so that we may be found righteous by our life and actions, and faithful to the commandments, so as to obtain eternal salvation.

When the prayers are concluded we exchange the kiss.

Then someone brings bread and a cup of water and wine mixed together to him who presides over the brethren.

He takes them and offers praise and glory to the Father of the universe, through the name of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and for a considerable time he gives thanks (in Greek: eucharistian) that we have been judged worthy of these gifts.

When he has concluded the prayers and thanksgivings, all present give voice to an acclamation by saying: ‘Amen.’

When he who presides has given thanks and the people have responded, those whom we call deacons give to those present the “eucharisted” bread, wine and water and take them to those who are absent.

Small Group Questions

1. Where can I find out more about these changes?

2. How can I use this as an opportunity to enhance my experience in Mass?

3. In what ways can I teach my children about the meaning of these changes?

Recommended Resources

  1. http://old.usccb.org/romanmissal/ -various resources for the Roman Missal from the US Conference of Catholic Bishops
  2. http://www.loyolapress.com/roman-missal-changes-webinar.htm – series of three videos on the changes.
  3. http://www.catholiccincinnati.org/ministries-offices/worship/the-new-roman-missal – contains power point presentation, internet links, print and other resources.
  4. http://www.catholiccincinnati.org/ministries-offices/worship/the-new-roman-missal/print-resources/bulletin-inserts – Bulletin Inserts
  5. http://www.catholiccincinnati.org/files/uploads/2010/10/CT040910_romanmissal.pdf – Catholic Telegraph article on the changes
  6. http://www.catholiccincinnati.org/files/uploads/2010/10/frequently_asked_questions_cinti.pdf – answers to frequently asked questions

Accountability

1. Commit to spending time this week (30 minutes) this week to learn more about these changes.

2. Spend a few minutes before or after church talking with your kids about the Mass, its new prayers and responses.

Author(s)

John Tekulve and Michael Copfer

Included Resources

The Archdiocese of Cincinnati website has a wealth of resources and links

Booklet – “A Guide to The New Translation of The Mass” by Dr. Edward Sri, Ascension Press

CD – A Walk Through The New Mass Translation, Dr. Edward Sri, Lighthouse Catholic Media

The essence and structure of the Mass is not changing but many of the prayers and responses to liturgy have been newly translated to English from the Latin text. The Mass was originally celebrated in Latin but this changed with the Second Vatican Council in the 1960’s when prayers and liturgy were translated into the vernacular (common) language of different countries. The official Latin text is contained in a book called the Roman Missal. This is what was translated. It was done quickly using a general meaning of the text rather than providing a more close word for word translation. The paraphrasing resulted in the loss of spiritual meanings and theoretical concepts that were not always as clear as they could be. In 2001, the Vatican called for a more precise translation which will be effective November 27th 2011, which is the first Sunday of Advent, and the beginning of the Church’s new liturgical year.

Overall, the new language more fully conveys rich biblical images and allusions. The revised translation as a whole uses a more heightened style of English in order to express greater reverence and humility when praying to God in Mass. The style emphasizes God’s goodness, power and glory so we understand that we are encountering the presence of him in the sacred liturgy of the Mass.

Some of the changes are as follows:

Priest’s Greeting: “The Lord be with you”. Our response will now be “And with your spirit”

Readings above: 2 Timothy 4:22 and Philippians 4:23.

The new translation better reflects the Latin text of the biblical language. The old translation of this greeting gave the impression that our response was intended to be a personal greeting or reciprocal goodwill. There is much more to this response. When a man is ordained a priest, the Holy Spirit comes upon him in a unique way, enabling him to perform the sacred rites of the Mass and consecrate the Eucharist. By responding “And with your spirit” we acknowledge the Holy Spirit is working through the priest during the sacred liturgy. We are experiencing Jesus who is the head of the community gathered for Mass and it is his Spirit who is the primary actor in the liturgy, regardless of who the priest may be.

Nicene Creed: “We believe” is now “I believe”.

The new translation unites us with the rest of the Catholic world in using the singular. After Vatican II, English was the only Western Language that translated the opening Latin word of the Creed (Credo) with the plural. The singular “I” makes the Creed more personal and challenges each individual to interiorize the faith. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church explains, “I believe” expresses “the faith of the Church professed personally by each believer (no.167).

This is what we do when we renew our baptismal promises during the Easter season or when we attend a baptism. The priest asks if we believe in the various statements of faith in the Creed: “Do you believe in God the Father Almighty…..?” Do you believe in the Holy Spirit…..? Each individual answers saying “I do”. It is fitting that we will regularly make a similar personal act of faith by using the singular “I believe” whenever the Creed is recited in the Mass.

The Sanctus:

“Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord, God of power and might” is now “Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God of Hosts”

Reading above: Isaiah 6:3.

The opening line of the Sanctus is taken from the angels’ worship of God in heaven. In the Old Testament, the prophet Isaiah was given a vision of the angels praising God, crying out “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts” (Isaiah 6:3). The word “hosts” here refers to the army of angels in heaven. When we recite “Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God of Hosts” in the Mass, therefore, we are joining the angels in heaven, and echoing their very words of worship.

This new translation more clearly underscores the infinite breadth of God’s power. All things in heaven and on earth are under his dominion—including the angels.

Words of Institution

“For all” is now “For many”.

Reading above: Isaiah 53:11-12.

The previous translation referred to Jesus’ blood having redemptive value “for all”. The new translation replaces this with “for many”. This revision remains closer to Jesus’ actual words in the Gospel (Matthew 26:28) and is also more harmonious with the Latin text.

Some have raised concerns that the words “for many” limits the universal scope of Jesus’s saving mission and that he did not die for everyone—-that he offered his blood on Calvary not “for all” but for a select group of people, “for many”.

The new translation points to the reality that while Jesus died for all, not everyone chooses to accept this gift. Each individual must choose to welcome the gift of salvation and live according to that grace, so that they may be among “the many”.

Jesus’s language at the Last Supper about his blood being poured out “for many” recalls that there are the three times “the many” is mentioned in Isaiah 53:11-12. In this prophecy, Isaiah foretold that God would one day send his servant who would make himself “an offering for sin” bearing the sin of “many” and making “many” righteous.

Ecci Angus Dei

“Lord, I am not worthy to receive you” is now “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof”.

Readings above: Matthew 8:8 and Luke 7:6-7

These new words reflect the humility and trust of the Roman centurion who asked Jesus to heal his servant who is at his house, paralyzed and in distress. As a Gentile, outside of God’s covenant, and a Roman officer in charge of soldiers who were oppressing God’s people, this centurion humbly acknowledges, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof”. He expresses a great faith that surpassed many others in the gospels and amazes even Jesus himself: he believes Jesus can heal from afar, simply by speaking his word. “But only say the word, and my servant shall be healed”. Jesus praises the man for his faith.

At this moment in mass, like the centurion, we recognize our unworthiness to have Jesus come sacramentally under the “roof” of our souls in Holy Communion. But just at the centurion believed Jesus was able to heal his servant, we also trust that Jesus can heal us when we receive the Eucharist.

Reinventing Date Night

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”
– Aristotle, Greek Philosopher (384 – 322 BC)

Simply spending quality time together is probably not enough to prevent a marriage relationship from getting stale. Keeping the butterflies of early romance from quickly fluttering away after marriage is a desire shared by both the husband and wife. So how do guys just like you, keep their marriages from slipping into familiar, predictable feelings of long-term attachment – Date Night!

Objective

The objective is for the Fathers Team member to find ways to keep injecting novelty into the relationship by focusing on “Date Night” with their wife.
As background, most studies of love and marriage show that the decline of romantic love over time is inevitable. However, marriage studies, real-world experiments and even brain-scan data, scientists & therapists can now offer long-married couples a simple prescription for rekindling the romantic love that brought them together in the first place. Rather than visiting the same familiar haunts and dining with the same old friends, couples need to tailor their date nights around new and different activities that they both enjoy.
Fun date night ideas are a great way to help blossom a marriage by doing things you both enjoy. There are so many places to go and things to do – so, go play! Fun date ideas are the best way to get closer as a couple. Your wife wants to see your creative, playful side and when you put your own thoughts and effort into it, you’ll be surprised how well she will respond to your romantic date idea simply because the date idea came from you. And don’t be shy, if you are aiming to surprise your wife, don’t be afraid to ask her preferences so you can create fun date ideas that both of you will enjoy.

The activity can be as simple as trying a new restaurant together or something a little more unusual or thrilling — like taking a hot air balloon ride together or riding horseback through a vineyard, then having a secluded wine & cheese picnic.

Bible Readings

1. 1 Corinthians 7:4-5

The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

2. Proverbs 18:22

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.

Small Group Questions

1. What is the best “date night” that you have had with your wife so far?

2. What was the novelty in the “date night” that excited her?

3. Review the list of 100 Great Date nights, which one will you try with your wife in the next week?

Accountability

1. Share your plans for the “first date” this week with your small team (from the 100 Great Date Nights list or other)

2. Share with your small team next week how the date night went, what was the novelty in it for you and your wife?

3. Plan out the next 10 date nights with your wife, and then go on the dates! Share with the small team after 90 days.

Included Resources

100 Fun Date Night Ideas & Activities

“mix and match” to make your date night a unique novel experience

1. Go get pampered or have massages together at a local day spa

2. Go schooner sailing at sunset

3. Take a Segway Tour through out a park

4. Reserve a spot on a yacht party cruise

5. Try your hand at indoor rock climbing

6. Go on a kayaking adventure tour – sight see from a kayak or canoe

7. Take an archery class together

8. Try skydiving, take lessons or try a tandem jump

9. Go on a harbor excursion – watch marine life or go whale or dolphin watching

10. Take a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride thru the city

11. Day adventure to any beautiful garden-park or arboretum, together

12. Enjoy a secluded beach and swim and/or enjoy the sun, together

13. Take a winery tour, or vineyard/winery tour on horseback if possible

14. Rent canoe, kayak or paddle boat and have a floating picnic on a lake

15. Go river rafting or inter tubing on a creek, river or lake

16. Go camping together

17. Become restaurant critics, find the most romantic restaurant by trying ones you haven’t

18. Go to the zoo and/or aquarium

19. See a play at the local suburb theater or at the High School

20. Hang out at a high-class cocktail lounge or restaurant, request a song from a piano man

21. Book an experience activity such as driving a real race car together

22. Take a Hot Air Balloon ride

23. Go Para-sailing together

24. Make your own wine, beer or root beer together

25. Take your dog(s) to the local dog park

26. Go fishing, or teach each other how to fish

27. Take a romantic walking tour of your city – pretend to be a tourist for a day

28. Spend the day with binoculars and a camera and go bird watching

29. Visit a U-Pick farm and pick fruit together, make sure you feed each other the samples!

30. Go Ice Skating together, and then warm up together!

31. Go to a baseball game, football game or Basketball game.

32. Tour new homes together

33. Learn to scuba dive together

34. Go on a haunted ghost tour together

35. See a local jazz band, concert, or orchestra in Cincinnati

36. Make it a romantic mission to ride a Ferris wheel together, kissing each other at the top!

37. Take a romantic afternoon walk or picnic at a park together

38. Go on a hiking trip together

39. Go to your local bookstore to pick out a surprise book for each other

40. Take turns reading a book to each other

41. Relive and go to the first place you ever went out together

42. Go shopping for new clothes, pick out clothes for each other

43. Go to a local gym to exercise together or to join together

44. Go tanning at a salon together and then go get pedicures

45. Spring time walk to pick wildflowers together

46. Go on an afternoon sightseeing drive and explore places you haven’t seen before

47. Spend the morning going to local garage sales to go treasure hunting

48. Visit an old cemetery

49. A date to have ice-cream together, make sure you feed each other a few bites

50. Window shop at local antique shops

51. Go moonlight bowling

52. A date to a karaoke bar for some singing (or watch others sing)

53. A roller-blade or roller skating date

54. A date to take pictures of each other

55. Go to a supermarket to pick out a meal and then back home to cook it, together

56. A date to wash and wax your cars together, make sure you spray each other with the hose!

57. Spend an evening to write poems for each other

58. A date to roast marshmallows over a campfire or fire pit in the back yard

59. Park near the airport to watch planes take off – feel the thunder of the planes –dream of your next trip together

60. Go to a park and star watch together

61. Bake cookies, make popcorn and watch a scary movie at midnight

62. A date to wash each other’s hair and then give back rubs to each other

63. Have a shaving cream fight and pillow fight

64. Go dancing or take dancing lessons together

65. Take a scenic drive in a rented convertible, or your own sports car

66. Schedule a dinner cruise on a train or boat

67. Take a charter fishing trip or whale watching tour

68. Go skiing or hang out around the snow, at the lodge

69. Visit a town or city you’ve never been to

70. Play a round at a fancy golf course

71. Take a helicopter or airplane site seeing tour together

72. Go visit the art gallery or art museum together

73. Go to the beach and build a sand castle together

74. Rent a limo and drive nowhere in particular

75. Visit the planetarium or Museum Center

76. Play in the water at the Beach Water park

77. Learn a new game at a casino

78. Visit a wax museum or find the historical landmarks in your area

79. Play arcade games together or play games on your home console

80. Patio/deck picnic

81. Watch a meteor shower in the evening, with wine and snacks

82. Go on a ferry boat ride to nowhere in particular

83. Go to a classic car show

84. Play miniature golf

85. See a Broadway show together

86. Take a helicopter ride together

87. Go to a high school or college sports event

88. Go to a Roller Derby event

89. Visit a dog or horse race track, together

90. Play laser tag or paint ball tag

91. Go target shooting or go to a shooting range together

92. Make it a mission to ride as many roller coasters you can find

93. Go on a hay ride in the fall during the evening; remember to bring a blanket to snuggle under!

94. Watch the sunset. Just pick a scenic spot, grab a bottle of wine (or your favorite beverage) and enjoy!

95. Reminisce Together – Share journals, pictures, letters, home videos, etc.

96. Bake Dessert Together – cake decorating, banana split, sundae, berry or chocolate smoothies

97. Build a snowman or snowwomen together, then warm up with hot chocolate and a blanket

98. Ride go-carts or “bump m” cars at the carnival

99. Visit the pumpkin farm or Christmas Tree Farm and talk a long slow walk in the nearby woods

100. (Fill in your favorite Date Night Idea Here )

Family Relationships

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

Do you have a family member who you haven’t talked to in a long time? Perhaps a brother, sister, aunt or uncle that you just can’t seem to get along with or that long standing grudge you don’t even recall the cause of? How do we as fathers find the opportunity to reach out and show love for the people around us who make up our family?

Objective

Family is more than just your wife and children. You began with your parents and perhaps some siblings. Along the way you became close or at least associated with grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins. Then you marry and pick up an even wider circle of family members. This ever expanding circle of family we gather along life’s path can be difficult to manage, conflicts along the way are inevitable.

· How do we as fathers become role models for our children, and perhaps our extended family?

· Is there a damaged relationship you can try, AGAIN, to reach out to mend?

· Has someone moved away for work or school that might need a friendly contact?

· Are you able to be a voice of reason at family gatherings if conflict arises?

· When’s the last time your family had a reunion besides just attending a funeral?

· As Christians how do we set a Christ-like example of how to deal with loved ones around us?

Bible Readings

1. 1 Timothy 5:1-8 (Pay attention to 8 the most

5:1 Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity. 3 Honor widows who are truly widows. 4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. 5 She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, 6 but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives. 7 Command these things as well, so that they may be without reproach. 8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

2. Isaiah 49 15-16

15 “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. 16 Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.

3. Luke 12:13-21

13 6 Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to share the inheritance with me.” 14 He replied to him, “Friend, who appointed me as your judge and arbitrator?” 15 Then he said to the crowd, “Take care to guard against all greed, for though one may be rich, one’s life does not consist of possessions.” 16 Then he told them a parable. “There was a rich man whose land produced a bountiful harvest. 17 He asked himself, ‘What shall I do, for I do not have space to store my harvest?’ 18 And he said, ‘This is what I shall do: I shall tear down my barns and build larger ones. There I shall store all my grain and other goods 19 and I shall say to myself, “Now as for you, you have so many good things stored up for many years, rest, eat, drink, be merry!” 20 But God said to him, ‘You fool, this night your life will be demanded of you; and the things you have prepared, to whom will they belong?’ 21 Thus will it be for the one who stores up treasure for himself but is not rich in what matters to God.” 7

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2214

The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood; this is the foundation of the honor owed to parents. The respect of children, whether minors or adults, for their father and mother is nourished by the natural affection born of the bond uniting them. It is required by God’s commandment.

2. Paragraph 2215

Respect for parents (filial piety) derives from gratitude toward those who, by the gift of life, their love and their work, have brought their children into the world and enabled them to grow in stature, wisdom, and grace. “With all your heart honor your father, and do not forget the birth pangs of your mother. Remember that through your parents you were born; what can you give back to them that equals their gift to you?”

3. Paragraph 2206

The relationships within the family bring an affinity of feelings, affections and interests, arising above all from the members’ respect for one another. The family is a privileged community called to achieve a “sharing of thought and common deliberation by the spouses as well as their eager cooperation as parents in the children’s upbringing.”

4. Paragraph 2208

The family should live in such a way that its members learn to care and take responsibility for the young, the old, the sick, the handicapped, and the poor. There are many families who are at times incapable of providing this help. It devolves then on other persons, other families, and, in a subsidiary way, society to provide for their needs: “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”

Small Group Questions

1. Do you have family relationships that are in need of repair?

2. Do you have a family member that you have lost touch with because our lives are just too busy?

3. Who in your family, perhaps your wife, your sister or brother, sets the example of how to maintain a large and healthy family circle? What can you learn from them and how can you help or foster that example?

4. How many conflicts in the family are over money or possessions? See the reading above from Luke and discuss how possessions effect our relationships.

5. Is it possible that you treat your family members worse than you treat your friends?

6. Do you have family reunions? How large? How often? Who arranges that?

Recommended Resources

1. Family Feuds: Fixing the rift
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1002242,00.html

2. Repairing relationships: Family relationship challenge:
http://www.parentsconnect.com/questions/family-relationships-boot-camp-repair-relationship.jhtml

3. No One’s Family Is Normal
http://www.revolutionhealth.com/healthy-living/relationships/friends-family/inlaws-extended-family/normal-family

Accountability

1. What family relationship can you set a goal to repair?

2. How can you begin to set the example of how keep family relationships and traditions core to your families core values?

Author(s)

Dan Lape

Stages of Fatherhood: Changes of the 8’s – Age 0-8, 8-16, 16-24

Posted on by
Reply

Summary

We recognize stages of marriage; here we will examine the stages of Fatherhood. From birth to 8 years old – you are the most important man in your child’s life, from 9-16 your relationship will wane and the mom may play the dominant role (especially with girls), from 17-24 – you will wonder where the kids went. Join us to understand how to cope with these stages.

Objective

Our objective in this discussion is to better recognize and deal with the various stages of lives that our children are going through so we can better respond as a parent/father to help them develop and to give us a chance, as fathers, to enhance and preserve our relationship with our children.

Parenting an infant/toddler

· “The challenge for first-time dads is learning how to be patient and to be a server. Infants and toddlers feel like their world revolves around them and it does — they need to be taken care of and can’t do things on their own.”

· Prioritize. People tell you a baby will change your life but until it actually happens to you, it’s hard to comprehend the time and investment but also the joy.

· Keep your sense of humor. A dad who laughs when his son wakes him up 50 times a night, accidentally sprays him in face with urine, and poops in the tub will be a happier dad.

· Being an involved dad means changing diapers, feeding and disciplining from the beginning. That kind of dad will also remain more involved when his child is a teen.

· Support mom. She’s overwhelmed. Make time for each other.

· Play with your child. Dads tend to be less verbal and more hands-on, and research suggests that’s important for children.

· Take an interest in whatever your child is interested in: If you have a daughter who loves to dress up, do some make-believe with her, have a tea party.

· Read to your child starting at a very young age. Cuddle when you read: Touch is huge in terms of attachment — hug, kiss, hold hands.

Parenting school-age kids

· “These are formative years, the time when a child develops trust issues, social interaction, overall personality. The challenge is to be consistent, provide security, establish routines. Older dads regret they didn’t spend enough time with their children. Fathers mistakenly feel that their most important task as a father is to work and earn money.” Kids will ask 500,000 questions before they are 15 years old. That’s a lot of opportunities to teach about life.

· Spend time alone with your kids.

· Laugh with your kids. Enjoy the child within yourself.

· Teach independence, confidence, competition and self-reliance.

· Teach an appreciation for the outdoors and respect for nature.

· Keep promises. Dads are role-models for strength and accountability in the family.

· Never use sarcasm and ridicule to discipline. Be fair and consistent.

· Use words and tone of voice wisely. Teach children to respect you, not fear you.

· Be consistent. Don’t laugh at bad behavior and then punish the same behavior later.

· Role model love. Love the children’s mother and demonstrate it. Children raised in loving environments fare better in all aspects of life.

Parenting Teens

· “There are tremendous pressures on teens that were not there in the previous generations. At times the adolescent seems to have it all together and then five minutes later does something impulsive and unbelievably childish. The teenage years are a time when children are practicing how to be an adult. Remember that their friends are their world.”

· One of the foremost challenges for fathers is to keep pace with a changing society that increasingly blends traditional parental roles of provider and nurturer. A father can offer his girls the opportunity to learn that men can treat women with respect/dignity. He can show his sons that he can be an athlete, businessman, scientist who is also a feeling person.

· Listen more than talk, and try to listen to their friends too.

· Talk to them about their goals and encourage them to live their dreams.

· If you are not good at something for which they need help, help them find someone who is.

· Attend some if not all of their events — especially if they are performing or playing a sport.

· Have one-on-one time with each of your children even if it only 10 minutes a couple of times per week. Play and laugh as well as have the difficult conversations.

Parenting an adult child

· “Fathers often forget that their offspring actually is an adult. Parents tend to lapse into old patterns that renew the parent-child dichotomy rather than enlisting the adult-to-adult transactions that are so empowering. This is exacerbated by the fact that the child also forgets that he/she is an adult. It is a very common dynamic that adult children, when in the presence of their parents, actually regress to a former stage of development.”

· Remember that most adult children do not need parenting per se. They need to be in the presence of mature adults who can be wisdom figures. Remember that your child is a budding individual who will learn from trial and error. Do not expect your 20-year-old adult child to carry the knowledge and wisdom of your 50-year-old self.

· Remember the choices we may think of as “mistakes” are really part of the learning curve. Help your offspring accept this and accept their choices (which may carry harsh consequences) as learning opportunities.

· Listen to your adult children and have compassion for what they are undergoing. Try to remember what it was like for you at whatever stage of their life they are in before jumping in with advice-giving.

· Create some clear boundaries with yourself so you can be emotionally supporting without feeling you must rescue your children from the lessons they may be in the middle of learning. This will be most empowering for your children, and this will require great patience on your part.

· Learn to let go of the outcome. If you are involved in your adult child’s life in such a way that you try to orchestrate any outcome, you are probably guilty of projecting your own wants/needs/desires onto your children. Although it seems loving, it may circumvent their independence and personal journey. Each of us must find our own way.

· Many adults are returning “home” as they are unable to find work or otherwise are unable to fully support themselves or their families. In such situations many parents have legitimate and pressing questions on how to “be” with their adults kids. In these situations it is helpful for communication about expectations be forthcoming — clear yet flexible.

· If you get stuck in wanting to “fix” things for your children, try this: Take a quiet breath and then ask in a loving and inquisitive tone: What are you going to do? This pre-empts the idea that the parent is responsible for finding a way out of the quagmire. (Note that this works in other relationships as well.)

Bible Readings

1. Deuteronomy 11:19 ESV

You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

2. Colossians 3:20 ESV

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Catechism Readings

1. Paragraph 2214

The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood; this is the foundation of the honor owed to parents. The respect of children, whether minors or adults, for their father and mother is nourished by the natural affection born of the bond uniting them. It is required by God’s commandment.

Small Group Questions

1. Where are your children in the stage of their life/your relationship?

2. Have you considered what you can do to leverage today’s lesson to improve your relationship with your child?

Recommended Resources

1. http://www.daytondailynews.com/lifestyle/negotiating-the-stages-of-fatherhood-772163.html

Accountability

1. This would be a good week to talk to your spouse about this lesson – what is your plan?

Author

Rich Delcore

Daddy’s Letter Example

Posted on by
Reply

Example of a Daddy’s Letter: 

Dear (child’s name),

Hi! I wanted to write you a letter and also ask you to do something that will really help me.

First, I wanted to tell you just how proud I am of you. You have done so many things that have made a difference in our lives. (Share a few examples of the positive things that your child has done and how proud you are of them). Dad really loves you and wants so much for you to realize your dreams in life.

You see, I want to be a good Daddy, but sometimes I don’t always know what to do, so I wrote out some questions that I put in this letter. Would you do me a favor and spend some time thinking about the questions, and then answering them for me? I would really appreciate it. I want to spend more time with you and I want you to enjoy it as much as me. But I want to do things that you would really like. You are a great (son/daughter), and I am proud to be your Dad.

As soon as you get done with your answers, give them to me and I will read them. Then we can begin to plan this next year! I’m looking forward to it!

Love,  Dad

On a separate piece of paper write questions that you want answered. Samples questions might be: What one thing (or several things) have you wanted to do with Dad, but have never done? What one thing would you really like Dad to teach you, or tell you, that he never has? What have you done with Dad in the past that you really enjoyed, but don’t get to do enough? What one thing is really on your mind that you want me to know about?

You may use an email instead of a letter, or even a text message. Or, if you aren’t a writer (or your children are too young to read), you may just ask the questions of your kids in person.