Here is the short story referenced during Accepting Children with Special Needs meeting:

http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

by Emily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

Example of a Daddy’s Letter: 

Dear (child’s name),

Hi! I wanted to write you a letter and also ask you to do something that will really help me.

First, I wanted to tell you just how proud I am of you. You have done so many things that have made a difference in our lives. (Share a few examples of the positive things that your child has done and how proud you are of them). Dad really loves you and wants so much for you to realize your dreams in life.

You see, I want to be a good Daddy, but sometimes I don’t always know what to do, so I wrote out some questions that I put in this letter. Would you do me a favor and spend some time thinking about the questions, and then answering them for me? I would really appreciate it. I want to spend more time with you and I want you to enjoy it as much as me. But I want to do things that you would really like. You are a great (son/daughter), and I am proud to be your Dad.

As soon as you get done with your answers, give them to me and I will read them. Then we can begin to plan this next year! I’m looking forward to it!

Love,  Dad

On a separate piece of paper write questions that you want answered. Samples questions might be: What one thing (or several things) have you wanted to do with Dad, but have never done? What one thing would you really like Dad to teach you, or tell you, that he never has? What have you done with Dad in the past that you really enjoyed, but don’t get to do enough? What one thing is really on your mind that you want me to know about?

You may use an email instead of a letter, or even a text message. Or, if you aren’t a writer (or your children are too young to read), you may just ask the questions of your kids in person.